I know this is normal. Well, normal for someone who lost their husband 5 months ago to a horrendous disease. Normal for someone who misses someone like I miss Charlie. And normal for someone who lives in a climate that is record breaking in the areas of snow and cold this year.
The worst thing about being stuck is the not knowing how to get unstuck or even if it is a possibility, now or ever. I am trying. God, I am trying every single minute of every single day and sometimes I think I am doing remarkably well. But I'm still stuck. And it sucks.
I am also stuck when it comes to thinking about what I can write about beyond all the crappy (to put it mildly) stuff of the last 17 months. I don't want to just write about cancer or grief or how much I miss Charlie. But it sure is hard to think of what else I could write about.
Write what you know, They say. I don't know what I know anymore. I know I used to have a happy life, filled with love and laughter and dogs and books and baking and a home that felt like home. I knew I had faith in good things. And now, although I still have so many people I love who love me, and my amazing pups, and yes, sometimes I DO laugh, home and real happiness and something (Someone?) to believe in seems really hard to find.
For now. They (the same they as above) say it gets easier or better or not so difficult, but I am not there yet and still not convinced that is true.
So, if anyone is reading this, give me something to write about. Help get me unstuck in that small way. Because somehow the rhythm of stringing letters and words and sentences and paragraphs is a small comfort to me. I can't promise that I will write anything worth reading, but I sure would welcome some new thoughts to tumble around in my brain.
Thanks.
Love,
Jen
I think you said it yourself: Dogs. Books. Baking. and Home. We'll read anything, but these seem to be the most "you".
ReplyDeleteI apparently have one reader - YOU, Renata! Maybe we should just do lunch or dinner in person instead? :)
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